|
It was unreal. Hulk didn't know what to make of it. This was supposed
to be his great comeback, and some how it had worked.
His old theme tune was blaring from the huge WWF speakers, he'd
just won a major title, and even better than that, it was the tag titles, which he held with Edge.
Edge was a whole
other matter. Somehow this young man, and man, was he young, had fallen in love with him. It couldn't have been
lust, `cause who the heck would want this old leathery boot of a body, and when he first came back what would have been the
point in latching on to him, nothing to be gained from a falling star.
But Edge loved him anyway, and hadn't changed
when they'd started winning things. His attitude and actions one of the few constants in this whirling place of a world.
The
crowd were cheering his name, Edge had his arm around him and he'd won a title.
It was fantastic.
"Cut."
The
cheers died out, the arena became a small pokey room with peeling blue walls and the only people around were a downtrodden
film crew.
"I said cut. What on earth are you doing Terry?" Bischoff was annoyed, once again, he was having
to tell Terry exactly what to do. He had more important things to do.
"Who's Terry?"
"You are."
"No, I'm
not, I'm Hulk Hogan."
"Oh great, you're cracking up. Rico phone." The man clicked his fingers and another appeared
with a mobile phone. "I told them that this would happen, but no they say, use him, he's got a couple of films left in him,
and anyway you can't use someone else for the Hulk Hogan series, the man is the series. Bullshit, you can do anything
you want with computers nowadays." Eric said all this to no one in particular and then directed his attention to the
mobile.
"Pick up the phone, pick it up, pick it up. Yeah, Heyman? It's me Eric. What do you mean,
Eric who? Eric Bischoff. The best action film director in the whole wide world. What do I want? I
want you to take your nut job of a client away. No, I don't know what you're supposed to do with him, he's not my problem,
remember. Oh no, nothing I've done, he seems to think that he's
really Hulk Hogan. Yeah, laughable I know.
I don't care what you're doing, get him off my hands. I'll try and film a scene that doesn't need him. And then
I'm going to the producers to try and make them see sense, this film will never work. Oh come on, when was the last
time one of his films wasn't a flop. Just come and get him."
The man, apparently called Eric, but nothing like
the Eric in the world that he remembered, rang off and shut the mobile.
"Coffee Rico."
Rico dutifully appeared with
a coffee, and headed toward Hulk.
"Not for him, for me, idiot."
"Sorry sir."
"You Terry, or Hulk or whatever,
go take ten or however long it takes Paul to get here. Rico take him would you."
Rico led Hulk through into the
ramshackle canteen.
"Why do you put up with him?"
"Who, Eric?" Hulk nodded. "I've got to get a break somehow,
and I'm not quite casting couch material. Hopefully, I'll get someone slightly easier to work with at my next shoot."
"What
is it you do?"
"You mean except for catering to his every whim. I'm actually the assistant director." Rico
saw Hulk smile. "Yeah, it's probably news to him as well." Eric's voice bounced into the room. "I'll have
to be going, my master's voice and all that."
~~~~
So Hulk waited and waited. A couple of the crew came
in to get a coffee and then walked out. But no one talked to him. Nothing like the canteens that he could remember
where it was always on the go, and everyone spoke to everyone. It used to get so loud.
This was silent like the
grave.
In came the mysterious Paul, a short rotund man, with a baseball cap and an accent so thick a bread knife couldn't
have sliced it.
"So what have you been getting up to now? I was working on a very important deal for my client
Brock Lesnar, when Bischoff rings up and tells me you've been getting into trouble. Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm
sorry."
"What's all this about you thinking you were Hulk Hogan?"
"What can I say, I must have got caught up in the
character."
"That excuse would only wash if you were a method actor, and you're not. That's the one piece of advice
I'll give you for free, never get caught up with a method actor, they're all nuts."
"So are we carrying on filming?"
"You've
got to be joking. The director is so annoyed with you, he'd probably let the tigers lose on you."
"There are tigers."
"There
were tigers, there might not be, depending on how the budget looks after today. I've still got to finish Brock's deal
off, so is it okay if I drop you off at the agency and then get someone to drive you back home?"
"Yeah sure." Hulk,
Terry, whoever he was didn't want to cause a fuss.
The agency wasn't such a big fancy building, just an office on an
ordinary street, but once inside, every available surface was covered in film posters. It was Heyman's proud boast that
he had gotten someone on his list in a part in all of these films.
There were lots of film magazines as well, most
of them had a grinning picture of Brock on them, with banner headlines about `The Next Big Thing'. Some old yellowing
ones in the corner bore pictures of Hulk in his heyday, lifting the championship. It was a franchise to rival the Rocky
films, but lately its returns were down.
"Terry, just sit down. I'll get someone to drive you home."
Heyman
shouted down one of the corridors. "Ride for Terry." Once, there would have been a scramble to give him a lift,
but now the only person willing was Tazz, and that was because he lived down that way.
"Tell him to give me ten minutes
and I'll do it."
~~~~
"This is it." Tazz pointed to one of the ugly blocks of flats that populated
this part of town.
"Thanks."
Not that Hulk had the foggiest where he was supposed to be going, but hopefully one
of the labels next to the buzzers on the door. He found one that could, with a little judicious squinting, say T. Bollea.
Number
32. Now all he had to do was find it. This block of flats was run down, and there was no lock on the main door.
Luckily some of the doors still had numbers on. 3, 8, then the stairs, 12, 15, 17, more stairs, 21, 26, 29, another
flight of stairs. If this floor was set out like the ones below, the second door to his left should lead to number 32.
He
rang the bell. No answer. He knocked. A voice spoke from inside. "Damn bell's not working. Who
is it?"
"Um, it's me, Terry."
"In that case, you can fuck off."
Hulk was too tired for this. "Let me in."
"No."
"Listen,
I've got nowhere else to go."
"That's your own fault."
"It's my flat, let me in."
"God, you're so stupid. You
always were, signing this over to me. Your dick really did have a direct line to your brain, didn't it? `Oh please
Terry, you've got to put my name down, what if something happens to you.' You were so freaking gullible. It's
not your flat, hasn't been for months."
The telephone rang inside the flat. Hulk couldn't hear what was being
said, until the door opened, and the man inside thrust his arm out with the telephone in hand. "It's Paul for you.
He says it is important."
Hulk took the phone, and used the opening of the door to push his way into the flat.
"Yeah, hi."
"Yeah, hi Terry. You might want to sit down for this; I've got some bad news. Bischoff convinced
the producers that you weren't the best choice for the role, so they're shutting down the production."
"You're my agent,
aren't you supposed to do something about this."
"Like what. Your last few movies have been flops, you turn up
late on set, when you do finally turn up you go gaga and think you're Hulk Hogan. For Christsakes, I can't even get
them on unlawful dismissal, you're behaviour's been up and down and, wait hold it, I've got a call on another line."
The line went dead.
A few moments later Paul's voice came back. "Sorry about that, Brock's got himself into a
little trouble, nothing I can't handle, but still, I've got to go. Basically, there is no film, you're fired.
Oh and tell Christian that he's a bitch." Paul hung up.
"So, what did he want?"
"Nothing much. The film's
been canned."
"What do you mean, nothing much. What on earth am I going to do for money?"
"Work maybe."
That was Hulk's plan anyway. He'd see if Heyman could get him some more work, there had to be something that needed
someone with more brawn than brains.
"Yeah right, like anyone would want you. You were my damn sugar Daddy and
I don't want you." Christian turned on his mobile. "Yeah. Hi Chris. Yeah, I did go and see your band.
No, they were really good. Oh could I? So that's where you are. Sounds like fun. See you there then."
Christian's voice which had softened itself returned to the harsh, berating tone he always used on Terry.
"I'm going
to Chris's; don't be here when I get back."
"Where am I supposed to go?"
"What do I care? Just go, or else I'll
have the landlord throw you out, owner's rights and all that."
Christian walked out the door.
What was Hulk
going to do? He didn't have anywhere to stay and no money on him. Checking all the usual hiding holes, he discovered
that his money was gone. He could guess where to, but there was nothing he could do, cash was cash and hard to trace.
He
could try staying here, but he didn't doubt that Christian would have him thrown out.
Not good for his career, not
good at all.
Who was he trying to kid?
He had no career, no home, no future.
It was strange how his mind
kept returning to Edge, which was stupid since he wasn't real. Couldn't have been real, because, well, because he wasn't
and thinking anything else was just stupid.
But still, he had been happy there, and at least it would be a place to
sleep. They couldn't dismantle it all in one night.
Terry took the gun he kept in the closet and set off to the
film set.
~~~~
Rico was listening to his walkman since dismantling the set was a rather boring
business. Nowhere near as much fun as building it was, and he had been left to start the work himself. Of course
it would have been quicker, easier, and probably cheaper in the long run if there had been other people helping him, but oh
no, the great director didn't want any advice, because the great director knows everything... Rico felt a tap on his shoulder.
"What
do you want?" Rico turned quickly taking his headphones off. "Oh, sorry Terry, didn't know it was you. Sorry I snapped."
"It's
okay. Can I just have a last look around the set? For old time's sake and all that."
"Sure. Must be a wrench, leaving
Hulk after all these years."
"Yeah, it is a little."
"Are you sure you're okay, you don't look too good."
"It's been
a bit of a bad day."
"Yeah, it has. Sorry, I should have remembered."
"Nah, it's okay. Do you want to take a break
for ten?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
So Rico put his headphones back on and took a break in the canteen. He felt sorry for
Terry; it was such a shitty thing to happen to anyone, especially someone as nice as him. But no, the great director had
to have his way!
Rico was pondering all the different things he really wanted to
do to Bischoff when he felt another tap on his shoulder, more like a thump this time.
"'You going now Terry? Hold it,
you're not Terry."
"No shit Sherlock." Heyman wasn't in the mood for stupid assistant directors. Having been in a meeting
with Eric for the better part of an hour, he found out that he needed to find Terry and now, to stop the agency being caught
in some lawsuit or another. So he rang Terry's home and gotten no answer. So he'd tried Christian's mobile. Funny that,
Terry earned the money, but Christian had all the luxuries.
From what he'd been able to understand, despite all the
racket in the background, was that Christian had no idea where Terry was,
but that he'd thrown him out of their flat. Bitch!
Paul had searched around and around, and this was the last place
on his list. If he hadn't found Terry here, he was going to have had to ring the police and hospitals.
"So, where
is he?"
"I don't know, he said he was going to have one last look at the set before it got dismantled."
Paul searched
around the set.
He came back ten minutes later. "I can't find him."
"Well, maybe he left and went home. Some people
do you know."
"I've checked everywhere else."
Paul and Rico carried on searching.
~~~~
Edge was out of
his mind with worry, where had Hulk got to. No one had seen him since they'd walked up the ramp. Edge had to go and do some
promotional work, and when he came back there was no sign
of Hulk.
Okay, so Hulk was a grown man, and could look after himself, but still, nearly a day without any word was
worrying.
Hulk crashed through the door at that very moment.
"Hulk?"
"Edge, you have no idea how glad I am
to see you." Hulk enveloped him in a nearly overpowering kiss.
Edge pushed him away. "Don't you ever do that to me again.
Do you have any idea how worried we all were? But no the great Hulk Hogan doesn't need to explain his actions. Where the
hell were you?"
"I'd sort of well, um, met up with some old friends. Yeah." Okay this was going to be a crummy excuse
but what else could he say, he'd ended up in a place where he wasn't himself, but someone playing himself. Oh yeah, that
sounded believable. "We got talking, you know how it is, and by the time I looked at the clock it was half past three in
the morning. I didn't think the hotel would be open so I camped down at the friend's house and when I tried to get back,
I got sort of lost. It took me this long to get back."
"Couldn't you at least have phoned me?"
Edge had a point,
"Um, I'm sorry, my mobile's battery is dead, and I didn't think of using the house phone. I'm too reliant on that thing."
Luckily the excuse worked because he never did remember to top the dratted machine up.
"Darn right you are."
Edge
realised he should be angry at Hulk. He'd worried them all
sick, and then he'd suddenly reappeared with barely a sorry said. But he couldn't be angry with him, not when he was so relieved
just to see him again. The feeling coursed through him like a calming wave.
"Well, well, just don't do it again."
That was so not the telling off that Edge had intended it to be. Hulk took no notice and was heading back out of the door.
"Where are you going now?"
"Just got to see a stylist about a thank you."
"I'll come with you, your sense of direction
seems to be going, old man."
"I'll show you old man in a minute." They headed out of the door, looking for Rico.
~~~~
Paul
walked back in to the room. He'd just heard Eric's plan and needed a couple of minutes to let it sink in.
They hadn't
heard from Hulk in months, but Eric had a plan.
Yes, they would need to use a lot of computer trickery, but think about the promotion that this would have - the last Hulk
Hogan film, the star mysteriously vanished - they had a top ten smash on their hands for certain. And like Eric said, the
payday at the end of it would be good.
"Okay, so I'm in, let's film the rest of it. How does the film end anyway?"
"Same
way all the Hulk films did, he wins, overcoming ridiculous odds and rides off into the sunset with the girl."
~~~~
|
