Troy

I'm trying to stop myself from making remarks about how the first fight was about the usual length of Nathan Jones's fights.
Wheee Julian Glover. Actually there were quite a few cases of wheee English theatre actor proping up the supporting cast.

I'm sorry I ever doubted Brad Pitt's abilities. His Achilles was vain, war-hungry, arrogant, annoying, stubborn and yet the man made me, a long-time Achillies hater, feel sympathetic towards the bastard.

Brian Cox once again strikes. He's far too good at making me absolutely despise him. The only thing keeping me from yelling was knowing that he'd get his from Klymenestra. Okay so the film made the hand of doom Briseis but as long as Agamemnon died I'm not too picky.

I felt somewhat sorry for Melenaus. Because it must have been quite a wound to his pride when his wife ran off. And he makes a good point, what sort of man calls another man his friend and claps him in arms and then runs off with his wife.
Not that Helen's behaviour is exactly the behaviour of the wife of a king of Greece. Actually that was a problem, removing the Gods did make her seem somewhat slutty. Helen Kruger's performance did somewhat make up for her not looking quite the face that launched a thousand ships. The trouble was that Rose Byrne as Briseis was so radiant. Now she, she's worth going to war over.

The scene between Paris and Hector on the boat. Anyone else want to smack the idiot kid brother? Hector was so ... noble and sweet and brotherly. He knew that this would bring nothing but trouble but at the same time he couldn't let his little brother go back and face down the Spartans on his own.

You know I quite like it when Sean Bean plays someone who is a coniving sneak. Normally he has to play either heroic stupid (Sharpe) or troubled, heroic stupid (Boromir), different is good. Hee Achillies knew he was being played and Odysseus knew he knew and neither of them minded, until Odysseus tried it on with Patroclus. May I say just cousins my arse. Actually there was nothing in the film that went directly against Achilles/Patroclus - no, I will not write the fic I tempted to write that takes place an hour before Odysseus arrives. Also from a purely aesthetic point of view it was a nice scene because sword fighting is a good way of seeing muscle move.

Achilles' Mum must have been in a rather awkward position.

The fleet of a thousand ships was pretty wow. Blatently CG but still kind of wow.

Peter O'Toole still rocks my socks. The scene home coming of the Princes where he says that the rumours were, for once, true made me go aww. So did the rest of those scenes with Hector and his father discussing how they were going to deal with the Greeks who were undoubtedly coming. Then we get to Helen and Paris who had some real clunkers of lines to deal with. Paris was probably, barring Agamemnon, the least sympathetic character in the whole film because Helen at least occasionally faced up to the reality of the situation.

Had to laugh at the scene where Achilies is going far ahead of the fleet and Agamemnon wants to know who it is and when he finds out goes 'oh of course it's Achilles'.
The scene where Achilles riles up the Myrmidons (spelling is probably wrong) is cool too. The things that blood lust will do for a man. One thing that irritated me - why is Eudorus not wearing a helmet? I realise it's because otherwise we wouldn't be able to tell which Myrmidon he is but really going into battle where even the almighty Achilles is wearing a helmet you think he'd be wearing one too.

And then along comes Ajax (pronunciation question - is it Ay-ax like the football team or A-jax like the cleaning fluid?) who I don't recall being quite so peripheral and vaguely annoying in the tales.

While I might have been cheering for the Trojans to successfully defend their temple, and more importantly Briseis, I have to admire Achilles' tactics.
Also he must have the Myrmidons awfully well trained if they don't immediately have their way with Briseis but leave her, reasonably unmolested, in his tent.

There was something awfully undignified about the way the king of Thessaly was on bended knee in front of Agamemnon giving him such treasures. Nestor was less undignified about it but that was possibly because he'd done it for such a long time and was only doing it to maintain his position. Odysseus trying not to laugh was a good point, either he'd already got this over with or he'd talked Agamemnon out of it with words. He does also make a very good point, "war is young men dying and old men talking".

Once more I must say 'die, Agamemnon, die' and go Briseis.

And so of course Achilles sulks. Because that's what real grown up heroes do.

Priam and Paris having their heart to heart and Priam giving him the sword of Troy - he's not worth it. Priam does get a cool line - "I've fought many wars in my time. Some I've fought for land, some for power, some for glory. I suppose fighting for love makes more sense than all the rest."

And then Hector and Helen having their heart to heart, that was the scene where Helen finally convinced me that she did actually love Paris, and didn't want to see Troy destroyed. And Hector's comeback about her being a Princess of Troy now, and that she had to face up to her responsibilities which involved calming Paris down. Now if only Paris had acted like a Trojan prince none of this would have happened. Also loved the part either just before or just after where Helen is saying how young Paris is and acts. Which we then get also from Hector. Have I mentioned that I want Hector to be my big brother?

Dear Lord, does Paris even know which end of a sword is which? In his defence I must say that he was kind of vaguely all right when he had his shield it was just afterwards when he didn't that he did really dreadfully. And Priam, oh how sorry I feel for him, because he really does love his son and yet still clings to a code of honour that his son is incapable of following. And the best/worst of it is that never once does it feel like Priam is acting in an unfatherly manner.

I also feel so incredibly sorry for Hector in that scene because what is he supposed to do, let his brother die or completely break the rules of engagement. So of course he follows what is probably the righter of the two courses of action. This is probably the only scene where Agamemnon was even vaguely sympathetic because he did seem to be upset about his brother.
Of course he loses any brownie points by not listening to Odysseus when he was being told that charging was not a good idea which should be obvious to a military commander.

Meanwhile when something isn't a good idea, and he has the final say, Hector doesn't do it.

I'm going to presume that Agamemnon, Nestor and Odysessus are the only survivors from the five kings because we never see the rest of them again. Odysessus is good at sneaky insults. And good at realising how to win a fight, he's right, they need Achilles.

Who is of course rescuing the girl. Have I mentioned that I love Briseis?
And the sex scene with the two of them is pretty yowza, especially for a girl with a thing for knives.
I think I'm in love with Eudorus because he's so sweet.

Things which are cool about Odysseus in Troy - a warrior who is allowed to show fear, quite a sensible thing, and still be heroic. There's also echoing of Priam and Hector where he's willing to do anything, including subjugating himself to Agamemnon, to keep his kingdom safe.

Things I don't like about this film - it made me want to say 'shut up Patroclus'.

Dear King Priam - listen to your eldest son, he makes more sense than omens. Oh, and hiya John Terry. But Hector still obeyed his orders which is a damn sight more than Achilles did.

The flaming balls of string were cool.

I did actually think it was Achilles. Well done to the directors, stunt crew, fight choreographers and actors. I really can't blame the Myrmidons.
Actually huge props to Wolfgang Peterson for Patroclus's death scene because it was truly horrifying and you sat there wanting Hector to put Patroclus out of his misery.
Plus the reaction shots from everyone - Patroclus's sheer bewilderment (yeah, I might not like what they did to the character but, given that, it was well acted), Hector's horror, Odysseus's horror and Eudorus's grief.

Which lead to Eudorus and Odysseus both looking at each other showing, not telling, 'how do we break this to him?'
Not helped by the fact that Achilles is already pissed because he thinks the Myrmidons disobeyed his orders. Remember what I said about the film also showing Achilles' nasty side, this would be where - smacking Briseis and strangling Eudorus for something that was an accident.

Which leads to Patroclus's pyre and the part that made me hate Agamemnon even more, him saying that Patroclus had probably saved the war for them. Partly because it's true and Hector was right and no one had listened to him, and partly because Agamemnon doesn't seem to give a damn about the people fighting for him.

Hector showing Andromache the secret exit was definitely a good idea. I loved the way he told her to try and help other people to escape as well but that she definitely, definitely had to make sure she and the baby escaped. Now at this point I thought that they would be going with the actual story where everyone in Troy except Aenaes's family were slaughtered so I was halfway to tears because I thought Andromache and the baby wouldn't escape and that all of Hector's doings would be in vain. This is one of the changes that I'm happy with on a personal level.

Then there was the fight. I'm not in the best of positions to describe it due to having been a watery heap of tears since Achilles made the challenge. It was Hector saying goodbye to everyone, with him knowing that he wouldn't come back and them knowing but trying not to show it. Add to this that I was sitting next to a girl who didn't know the story so I daren't cry out loud so I was sitting there, crying with my hand over my mouth. I didn't half feel silly. It worked though, at least it did until she turned round to make a comment about the cuteness of the baby. Afterwards she said it didn't matter since she sensed that Hector would end up dead.

So the fight, which probably wasn't quite as intense as it should have been. Says the girl who was mentally shouting at Achilles not to kill Hector because it wasn't his fault. Patroclus had gone out there of his own volition and Hector had tried to ease his passing as best he could.

At which point follows the thing that the filmmakers get the most brownie points for - they actually showed Achilles dragging Hector's corpse after showing how much funeral rites meant to the various people involved, especially Priam who was very religious. It's quite odd I suppose but of all the images from when I read a kiddie version of the Illiad the one of Hector's body being dragged along is the one that stuck the most. Well done Wolfgang Petersen.

I also loved what Briseis said about Achilles losing a cousin so he was taking one of hers.

And then the scene with Priam. Peter O'Toole rocks beyond all else. Really, could he have an Oscar nomination please.
"I have endured what no one on earth has endured. I have kissed the hands of the man who killed my son."
"I loved my son from the moment he opened his eyes until the moment you closed them."
Achilles: He killed my cousin!
Priam: He thought it was you. How many cousins have you killed? How many fathers and brothers and sons and husbands, how many, brave Achilles?

The bit where Achilles is crying over Hector's body worked. Petersen did a great job of stripping away Achilles the myth, Achilles the warrior, leaving us with Achilles the man. I felt so sorry for Achilles. This is not a good thing ;)

Thinking that they were going to go with the original story of everyone in Troy getting slaughtered I was mentally yelling at Achilles not to let Briseis go.

Odysseus is a sneaky git, but damn he's clever. I loved the parallel of the idea coming from someone wittling a horse for his son back home and Hector doing the same before his last battle.

It does however lead to one of the problems with the film, there was none of this sense of ten years passing and the strain of that leading to a certain underhandedness being okay. Personally I think the horse was a brilliant idea which should have been used.

There were many problems with the invasion of Troy. The horse is one. I realise its not bad CGI but when something that's real looks like bad CG it's a problem.

Coward, that's what Agamemnon is, killing an old man with a spear to the back!

I know it was the wrong person, but as long as Agamemnon got killed I'm not too picky.

For what is supposed to be the big dramatic death scene, Achilles's death was remarkably without impact. It just happened. This could be because I wasn't emotionally involved with him.

Okay so the look of grateful when Paris took Briseis away might have made me like him but still.

And heee Aeneas made an appearance. And got the sword. I forgive the film a lot for this.

And those end lines by the funeral pyre. I thought the beginning was a little OTT, good but OTT whereas the end hit the right note. "If they ever turn my story let them say that I walked with giants. Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die. Let them say I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of horses. Let them say I lived in the time of Achilles." Glorious, isn't it?

And that's it, the only thing I've not mentioned is that on occasion it reminded me far too much of less good Gladiator.